On the second day, there was Tempest, Ro, Marilyn, Suzanne, Carnie, and that 90210 girl. (By the third day, of course, they were gone.) God was pissed, but still, the program directors saw dollar signs. It was now the fourth day and they wanted more. Parodies of talk shows came to pass. First there was Richard then Garry/Larry and finally Dick.
That, of course, wasn't enough. (Really, can there EVER be enough misery and ridiculous displays on TV in the name of ratings?) On the fifth day, things got really insane. People chanted "Jer-ry!" as trailer trash thrashed on-stage. Then, the program directors hired a parrot to take clips from these talk shows and bad mouth them. The parrot thought he was funny, but his soup left a bad taste in God's mouth. So, The Big Guy decided to watch home shopping channels instead.
Soon Satan saw the power of television and decided to produce some talk shows himself. On the sixth day, the Hell Master talked to his friends at MTV, who gave talk shows to Cindy, RuPaul and Dennis. Then they fattened up the hosts...Rosie and Roseanne got shows, too. They sacrificed the brains of their audiences day after day. There were reruns and then sweeps week; they multiplied all across the land. Soon producers were calling the Fiery One to discuss ways to capture the minds of more simpletons...
"Your husband slept with my husband, why won't you sleep with me?"
"I'm proud of my 12-year-old with triplets."
"Prostitutes and the CEOs who love them."
"Women reunite with their rapists."
Soon Satan decided to play wicked games with the cheddar-filed craniums of his stupid little sheep. He invited advertisers and marketing types to a huge con-artist convention. On the seventh day, while snacking on Cornish game hens and puffed pastries, the Horned Beast smiled with fiendish delight as he put his plot into action. The info-mercial was born.
Finally, God had bought enough Joan Rivers jewelry and Victoria Jackson make-up, so he decided to put an end to the mediocrity that talk shows had inspired. The big finale: Armageddon. (At least, that's the ending I would choose... Fire and destruction for all those responsible for the "dumbing down" of America.) And there was peace throughout the land.